I have heard more times than I can count, "Oh wow Jessica, you look like you've lost weight!" Now from my family, or a few select friends who don't really get it I guess its easier to understand. And I try to answer as kindly as possible, that no, I have not. Weight loss is a personal journey for people. So don't ask! I eat healthy and try not to drink too much wine. TRY being what I do! But no, I have not shed any LB's.
Coming from clients it is always an odd convo to handle. Honestly I usually lie and thank them for noticing. But what I'm thinking is obviously different. Something along the lines of, "hey, what you just said can fuck right off!!"When did someone else's body become your topic of conversation? Why would you think that saying that to me is a compliment?
When people make comments like this, it feels to me like they are saying they believe there is something wrong with the way I look. They are saying that there is a way for me to be happier, a way for me to be better, because I must have lost a little weight. I'm pretty happy in life with all things! I try to remember that their comments on my weight are more about them than me. I've brought this up to friends before and most are appalled by it. But for the few select friends who just don't
get it, they usually respond with, "well I'm sure they meant it as a compliment!" It's not a compliment. No matter how many times I try to explain it to them, if I didn't bring up my weight, no one else should.
When people make comments like this, it feels to me like they are saying they believe there is something wrong with the way I look. They are saying that there is a way for me to be happier, a way for me to be better, because I must have lost a little weight. I'm pretty happy in life with all things! I try to remember that their comments on my weight are more about them than me. I've brought this up to friends before and most are appalled by it. But for the few select friends who just don't
Weight is often tied to people's happiness but not by their own doing. We've been told our happiness and the way we look are mutually exclusive. It's bizarre when strangers, friends and family believe they are helping a big 'ol chubby girl become just a little happier by giving the verbal motivation we must all be craving. And seriously, its just fucking annoying! There are so many other things we could be talking about! Like Beyonce. As of now, I am working on a witty response to people and there chatty ways. I will post another entry when I've done so!!
xx,
Jessica
Oh yea - this resonates so strongly. I starved myself 1 summer when I was 15 and got really thin. At school that fall it was the only thing anyone could talk to me about. The message was so clear that my worth was all about my thin body. It sucked. Now if anyone says anything about my body (its usually family trying to be encouraging) I try to keep that boundary and say that my body is not up for discussion. And it shouldn't ever be for anyone. Thanks so much for your honest writing <3 - squindia
ReplyDeleteWow - I can't even imagine how hard that summer must have been for you. Also, I don't understand why family thinks it's encougraging to hear comments that they they believe to be something negative about ourselves. That doesn't even make sense!! Good for you for saying something and setting boundaries!! I'm working on that. While discussing my upcoming store with my father he said, "well, I have a few cousins who are fattys so make sure you reach out to them for help". He doesn't mean it to be hurtful, but I'm like what the fuck! Thank you so much for stopping by and reading. I appreciate your words!!!
DeleteI love this. You took the words right out of my mouth.
ReplyDeleteI am a hair stylist at a high end salon. I wish I could say appearance of hair was most people's concerns when sitting in my chair. If it's not their own weight it's mine. I get asked several times a week, "so!... When do you plan on having another baby?" same question I would get when I was 9 months pregnant. When I was pregnant they would respond with, " whew! I'm glad you are expecting I just was not sure."
I love my belly! I'm so comfortable in my skin. I wish people could see that I am much happier at 170lbs then I was at 117lbs.
One of my clients, who I see more than I see some of my own family members, was expressing to me how "fat" she was... I told her how beautiful she is and how she had an amazing figure. She asked where I liked to shop and then had a complete blank look on her face. She had never heard of these clothing lines. I confidently told her because they were mostly 'plus size' store.
She then kinda freaked on me. Telling me that I was not fat enough to go to a plus sized stores and I really need to just buy smaller clothes and wear them. I just laughed.
Thank you for sharing this. Helps me get through the ignorance and silly perception of other view on beauty.
Xoxo
Casey
Thank you so much for your response!! Sometimes clients feel so inclined to say things that are just beyond!! Her telling you that you are shopping at the wrong stores is another way of being negative!! Im sure she thought she was giving you a compliment! I did hair in NYC for a few years and a client of another stylist grabbed my arm in front of everyone and was like "omg! I didn't know you were expecting!!! Congratulations!" I told her, nope! Just chubby! She didn't say anything and just walked away. I can laugh about it now, but at the time I was mortified. Another client recently was shocked (with a look of horror on her face) that I wear a bikini. She used to be plus size and now is not and fat shames everyone. It's really sad and honestly I kind of dread her appts. Sometimes I just wanna tell them, hello, you've been brain washed by media, it's not your fault that you're so small minded when it comes to beauty standards. But wake the fuck up!! Cheers!! Xo
DeleteOh, and congratulations on your tiny human!!
ReplyDeleteLove this! I think it's so interesting how it's been engrained in our minds that skinny =happy. Happiness must come from within and it's sad that people chase this fantasy and waste years not living life to the fullest because of their weight.
ReplyDeleteAnd when I talk about people not living life to the fullest I'm speaking of thin people who think they aren't thin enough. I've found that most of the people I know that are totally comfortable in their bodies are the people with ordinary bodies.
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